Helen: Some people smoke pot, some people bungee jump, some people chant. What do you do to be happy?
Jessica: Nothing. I'm not.
Jessica: I never realized lesbians accessorized
Jessica: Oh, I'm a terrible insomniac
Helen: I'm so sorry. Since when?
Jessica: Um, I don't know, since birth
Helen: What does your therapist say about all of this?
Jessica: Oh, I could never tell my therapist
Helen: Why not?
Jessica: Because it's private
Jessica: [to Helen] Oh, no offense...no offense. I mean look at you. Who wouldn't want to have sex with you. I mean 'do' you.
Helen: I took out an ad for Christ's sake. And I ended up with the Jewish Sandra Dee.
Helen: Who do you have to blow to get some fucking pussy around here!
Helen: Don't decide right now, just let it marinate for a while.
Helen: Harvey Keitel. He's very sexy-ugly.
[Josh is confronting Jessica after she made a private phone call.]
Josh: You a little jumpy today Stein?
Jessica: No.
Josh: You got a hot date?
Jessica: No.
Josh: Yeah. Who's the guy?
Jessica: There's no guy.
Josh: Oh come on, you're a terrible, terrible liar.
Jessica: Trust me, there's no guy.
Martin: C'mon. C'mon. This is not something you can try on and see if it fits, okay? I can't put black shoe polish on my face and join a gospel choir, 'cause, I don't know, I don't feel so white no more.
Helen: It's just like kissing a guy.
Joan: No it's not.
Helen: No, it's not.